Living with food allergies as a young adult

Margot, 20, has suffered from life-threatening allergies to peanuts and lupins since she was two years old. She is now studying International Media and Entertainment Business at the University in Mechelen in Belgium. We met up with Margot to find out more what life was like as a teenager with food allergies.

Transitioning from primary to secondary school

Starting secondary school at the Athenée de Luxembourg was a different experience compared to her primary school years, where everyone knew about her allergies, the teachers were aware and trained. The environment around her no longer felt as safe as it had been. Her mum tried to talk to all the teachers and together with a nurse helped with the allergy training. Her emergency medication was stored at the nurse’s office, together with the medication from other pupils. A nurse from the Médicine Scolaire made sure that all emergency kits were clearly labeled, with a photo of each child and a description of the illness. Of course, Margot always carried a second emergency medication set on her.

Feeling supported at school

Generally, Margot felt supported, especially by her friends. On occasions less so by her teachers. She remembers Easter, when the teachers would hand out chocolates to the class but didn’t take her allergies into consideration. She didn’t mind too much, and usually had a safe snack with her. She jokes that her friends would fight over who would get her chocolate. Margot usually brought her own food to school with her. She did feel frustrated not always being able to eat together with her friends. When she joined her friends at the table in the canteen, she got told that she wasn’t allowed to eat there with her food from home.

During the last years of school, she started eating out from time to time in the surrounding area. She remembers a frustrating situation when she and her friends went to an ice cream parlor in the city. Margot asked the usual questions to find out what ice cream would be safe for her to eat. After several attempts the lady behind the counter still did not understand. A long queue was forming behind her, and she knew this wasn’t going to lead to a positive outcome and she was ready to give up. Her friends, however, insisted that she should be entitled to an ice cream. Despite their best-efforts, Margot did not manage to get her ice cream, which opened her friends’ eyes even more to the difficulties of living with food allergies. Her friends don’t always realize that life for Margot means being in situations like this all the time. Asking questions every time she buys food. It’s not just once off, but every day, all the time.

Missing out on activities as a teenager?

Margot enjoyed dance lessons, theatre classes and swimming when growing up. Looking back, she doesn’t get the feeling that she missed out. Some instances that were challenging for her were birthday parties. When she would be offered a piece of cake, she didn’t always feel like asking what’s inside it and would rather just say no thanks than having to explain again. Recently at university a lecturer brought in some home-made cookies. After some of the students, including Margot, kindly declined, he started making fun of the students not wanting to eat them. In these situations, she just doesn’t feel like explaining herself again, and dealing with the follow-up questions from others, however kindly meant. 

“I just don't want to make a big deal out of my allergies”

Teenage challenges

Looking back, Margot believes that she was quite naïve as a young teenager when she started going out for meals. She would tend to stick to eateries that she knew, such as McDonalds. Gradually she started exploring other places. Around the age of 13 she would feel confident enough to ask questions about the allergens to the waiters. Very often the staff would not know where the allergen menu was and could not help her, especially when asking about the “menu du jour”. A frustrating situation to be in when out with friends, but they would always find a compromise so that they could all eat somewhere safely together.

Over the years Margot started developing skills at detecting whether a place seemed safe or not, just from the look of the outside of a restaurant or taking a glance inside. If she spotted words such as “gluten-free” or “lactose-free” it was usually a promising sign that they were allergy aware. She also feels like bigger food chains are more allergy aware.

Something that she finds very frustrating, however well meant, is when waiters tell her “I wouldn’t order this if I were you”. She knows her allergies. She knows that she can eat Nutella as it contains hazelnut and not peanut. Once she found herself in a situation at a pizzeria where the waiter, who had a fish allergy himself, started explaining to her what a food allergy is, only because she asked about the allergens on the menu. It started escalating into a competition whose allergy was the worst and in the end she still hadn’t got the answer to her initial question.  

Dating with food allergies

An important topic that many wouldn’t think of, but which poses a big risk when you have food allergies: dating! Kissing someone who might have eaten your allergen beforehand could lead to you being hospitalized. Asking your date before your first kiss what they have eaten might not seem very romantic, but it is an unavoidable question. Margot was willing to share her experience.

Fortunately she has always felt supportive and understood when dating. She is open about her allergies from the start and always explains the seriousness of them, and the importance of reading labels. Her boyfriend has learned to think carefully about what food to give here, and it comes to him naturally now. Laughing, Margot says, that she does keep an eye on what her boyfriend eats during the day. And whenever they don’t see each other for a day, he can eat a Snickers for example. Her mother-in-law is also extremely supportive. She calls the restaurants in advance to check if they can accommodate her allergies. And if there is any trouble in a restaurant, she will speak up!  

“I have learned not to have any expectations when going out to eat. If they are allergy-aware, I see it as a nice surprise”

Tips for those thinking of going to university

Margot embarked on a new chapter of her life last year, starting university in Belgium, and the first time living independently with her food allergies. She gives us some advice that she has learned from her experiences during her first year:

• Leave a spare set of emergency medication with your neighbour or housemate. If you were to have an allergic reaction and you are alone, you need someone nearby who can help.
• When choosing accommodation, try to find a place with its own kitchen. Like this you are sure to avoid cross-contamination. Sharing a kitchen with other students can be a lot riskier.
• When getting to know your new friends, tell them about your allergies. Be open to letting them help you. Margot has been surprised how many of her friends want to learn and be able to help in an emergency. You don’t have to do it alone.